What I am Afraid of...

I attended the Bethlehem Baptist Women's Conference this weekend. Let me first say that I am so very very grateful to my husband for agreeing to spend the weekend with Derek so that I could fly to Minnesota for this conference. What a blessing you are to me, Love!

The theme of the conference this year was "You are Mine... do you believe it?" It was about fear. I blogged a little while ago about my fear regarding having another child. The question was posed to us, "what are you afraid of?" Here is my lengthy list:

- I am afraid of tornadoes

-I am afraid of potatoes that have grown roots (don't ask it's weird I know)

-I am afraid of spiders

-I am afraid of change

- I am afraid of the unknown

-I am afraid of failure

-I am afraid that I am inadequate in terms of being a wife, a mother, and a child of God

-I am afraid of being alone

-I am afraid of my own sinful nature and the pull that it has on my life

-I am afraid of spiritual attacks from the evil one and the father of lies that cause fear.

Some of these are pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. Tornadoes are certainly cause to be afraid, but spiders? Really? And how about those potatoes with roots? I mean come on! But the others are deep fears rooted in sin. Here is how I combat those fears.

Speak the truth to counteract the lies that cause the fears. The best way to do this is to continually speak Scripture to yourself. This is why Scripture memorization is so important. Some of my favorite "fear" verses are as follows:

Psalms 56:3 "When I am afraid I will trust in you."

Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

2 Thessalonians 3:3 "But the Lord is faithful and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one."

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Hebrews 13:6 "So we say with confidence, 'the Lord is my Helper, I will not be afraid; what can man do to me?'"

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Psalm 27:1 "The is my Light, and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

There are so many more verses I could give but these are some of my favorites. I use them to speak truth to myself when I am afraid.

-When I am afraid of change: "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

- When I am afraid of the unknown: "Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

-When I am afraid of failure: "So we say with confidence, 'the Lord is my helper I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'" Hebrews 13:6

-When I m afraid of being inadequate: "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

-When I am afraid of being alone: "So do not fear for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

-When I am afraid of my sinful nature: "When I am afraid I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3

-When I am afraid of spiritual attack: "But the Lord is faithful and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one." 2 Thessalonians 3:3

The truth of Scripture trumps all fear. So thank you Lord, for being a God of faithfulness who gives your children the courage to overcome their fears. Thank you for winning the battle so that when we meet you in Heaven there will be no more fear!

Biblical Parenting

My good friend sent me this information shortly after I posted about the Pearls' book. She is reading a book called Grace Based Parenting (I'm sorry I cannot for the life of me get my computer to italicize this.) by Dr. Tim Kimmel. Dr. Kimmel has a family ministry called Family Matters that seems to be pretty good. I will include a link below. Just in case anyone wants an alternative to the Pearls' horrible teaching!

www.familymatters.net

Have You Ever....

Remember that game as a kid where you had to stand or sit in a circle and someone in the middle says "have you ever (insert something you have done)?" and if you have done it you had to get up and switch seats with everyone else who had also done it. If you didn't get a seat, you had to stand in the middle and say "have you ever.....?" I loved that game. The worst part of it was all the kids would try to find the most exciting or amazing thing they had ever done, and it usually was somewhere they had traveled. I almost always had to get up and move. "Have you ever been to New York!" Sarah gets up and moves. "Have you ever been to Florida!" Sarah gets up and moves. "Have you ever been to Hawaii!" Sarah gets up and oh guess what, she's the only one up. Now I'm stuck in the middle cuz the only other kid who has been to Hawaii is in the middle already. Now it's my turn, so keeping in trend I say something like "Have you ever been to France!" No one moves. grrrrrrrr

Anyway, that's not really the point of this post, although it is kinda funny. The point of this post is to ask my readers some "have you ever" questions!! I will ask the question and then explain the story of how it happened to me!

-Have you ever gotten sun poisoning?

I did the summer of 2004. I went to South Carolina to visit Nathan in June and we went to Isle of Palms for a day. Neither of us wore sunscreen the WHOLE day and the next day I was burned to a crisp and sooooo sick all I could do was sit on the couch and moan in pain and nausea. It sucked. The upside was that when the burn turned brown I looked FANTASTIC! :)

-Have you ever read another religion's book (like the Koran or the Book of Mormon) just because you wanted to know what it said?

I found a copy of the Book of Mormon next to a Gideon Bible in a hotel room once and I took it with me and read it because I wanted to know what it said. I won't give a book report of it though.

-Have you ever been told you were a crappy parent?

I was told by a complete stranger in the mall that I was a crappy parent for giving Derek formula. *eye roll*

-Have you ever pretended you aren't very hungry while a guest at someone else's house because you seriously don't like what was for dinner? You would rather have gone hungry till breakfast than eat it?

I can't tell you whose house I was at, but the food was laden with things I hate. There were just too many elements to pick out so I pretended I wasn't hungry at all. Then I made Nathan go through a drive through on the way home cuz I was ravenous! He thought it was hilarious.

Okay guys, now it's your turn to answer!!!!! (At least you don't have to worry about getting stuck in the middle!)

Biblical Parenting

A few weeks ago I was perusing the shelves of the small Christian bookstore in our town and I was chacking out the parenting section (cause I need all the help I can get! Haha!). There was a book on the shelf called To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debbie Pearl. I shuddered. For those who aren't aware the Pearls run a website and "ministry" called No Greater Joy. It's awful. These are the types of people who advocate spanking for every and any offense. Recently a 5 year old daughter of parents who closely follow the Pearls' teachings was beaten to death. The autopsy performed reported that she died from complications due to the blunt force trauma she received from being repeatedly beaten with rubber hose. Isn't that awful? I left their book on the shelf. I would encourage you all to do the same. I do however have some excerpts from their book that I'd like to post here for you all to chew on. Some of these things are truly terrible.

1) The Pearls recommend whipping infants only a few months old on their bare skin. They describe whipping their own 4 month old daughter (p.9). They recommend whipping the bare skin of "every child" (p.2) for "Christians and non-Christians" (p.5) and for "every transgression" (p.1). Parents who don't whip their babies into complete submission are portrayed as indifferent, lazy, careless and neglectful (p.19) and are "creating a Nazi" (p.45).

2) On p.60 they recommend whipping babies who cannot sleep and are crying, and to never allow them "to get up." On p.61 they recommend whipping a 12 month old girl for crying. On p.79 they recommend whipping a 7 month old for screaming.

3) On p.65 co-author Debi Pearl whips the bare leg of a 15 month old she is babysitting, 10 separate times, for not playing with something she tells him to play with. On p.56 Debi Pearl hits a 2 year old so hard "a karate chop like wheeze came from somewhere deep inside."

4) On p.44 they say not to let the child's crying while being hit to "cause you to lighten up on the intensity or duration of the spanking." On p.59 they recommend whipping a 3 year old until he is "totally broken."

5) On p.55 the Pearls say a mother should hit her child if he cries for her.

6) On p.46 the Pearls say that if a child does obey before being whipped, whip them anyway. And "if you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher." "Defeat him totally." On p.80 they recommend giving a child having a tantrum "a swift *forceful* spanking." On the same page they say to whip small children on their bare skin until they stop screaming. "Don't be bullied. Give him more of the same." They say to continue whipping until their crying turns into a "wounded, submissive whimper."

7) On p.47 they recommend their various whips, including "a belt or larger tree branch" to hit children.

8) The Pearls recommend pulling a nursing infant's hair (p.7), and describe tripping their non-swimming toddler so she falls into deep water (p.67). They recommend ignoring an infant's bumped head when he falls to the floor, and ignoring skinned knees (p.86). They also say "if your child is roughed-up by peers, rejoice." (p.81) And on p.103 the Pearls say if children lose their shoes, "let them go without until they (the children) can make the money to buy more."
(From www.womanuncensored.blogspot.com)

Doesn't this just make your hair curl? Much of the stuff on their website is just as bad. There are seeds of wisdom in the fact that they are advocating disciplining your child. I'm not against spanking, but I like Dr. Dobson's approach much better that there are certain times and offenses that require spanking, but they are grave and serious offenses, not piddly little things that are just part of your child learning boundaries.

If you have this book read with caution!!!!!

Fear

Ok, I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I'm afraid. Maybe I should start at the beginning....

One of my besties who actually lives in the same state as me (few and far between these days) is pregnant with their second child. Their first is a month younger than Derek. I am SOOOOO stinking happy for them!!! Her DH asked Nathan about a week after they found out when we were thinking of having another baby. Nathan very wisely answered "not for a while." Now since my friend and I were pregnant together the first time her being pregnant without me got me thinking about why I don't feel ready to have another baby. I've come up with all sorts of good reasons.

Derek is only 14 months. I mean come on! I don't want them THAT close together.
Life is just starting to get REALLY good with Derek, I'm not sure I want to bring a newborn in yet.
I hated the newborn stage. Not in a hurry to do that again.

But the main reason is this: I'm afraid. I'm afraid to lose this awesome stage that I am at with Derek. I'm afraid of losing my bond with him. I'm afraid I won't be able to love a new baby as much as I love Derek. If having Derek changed my life this much how much more will a new baby change stuff. I don't like change. There are times when I yearn for my pre-child life, and I hate those times because I know I would never trade in my sweet son for ANY of that old life... but still sometimes I remember how easy life used to be. Will I long for my one child days when I have two? Is that fair to my children???? I don't know. I have a tendency to fear the unknown. So there you have it folks; the real reason I am in no hurry to add to our little family of three. Now, please don't ask me about it! :)

Car Seat Safety

I posted last August about car seat safety, but I think I've garnered some new readers since then. I'm linking a few sites about car seat safety for those interested. Also, I cannot urge moms of older babies enough to consider Extending Rear Facing (ERF). Although the law (in most if not all states) says that you may turn your baby forward at one year and 20 pounds (must meet both requirements), the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) advises that you wait until 2 years old to turn the car seat around. The reason for this is that the bone structure of young toddlers is still soft and pliable and because they are still developing their skeletal systems many bones and joints have not fused together at one year. If a car accident was to occur with a one year old forward facing they are at great risk of severing the spinal cord or internal decapitation. Yes, internal decapitation!!! Yikes people!!!

The most common objection to ERF goes something like this, "where will my child's legs go? Won't they break in an accident?" In fact there have been no documented cases of broken legs, or hips in ERF children involved in a car crash. So, this argument is pointless. Your child's legs will not break, and even if they did, I'd rather have a child with two broken legs who's alive versus a child who was internally decapitated and is dead.

Also, remember that user error is also common in car seat usage. Many many parents do not tighten the straps tight enough. You should not be able to pinch the strap between two fingers at the child's shoulder. For rear facing the straps should be threaded into the seat slightly below the child's should height. For forward facing they should be threaded at or above the child's shoulder level. The chest clip should be exactly at armpit height, NEVER above or below this level. I recently discovered someone using their 5 point car seat harness as a 3 point harness. Not cool. If you don't use your car seat the way it was designed to be used it will not protect your child the way it was designed to protect him or her. Remember that if you use the LATCH system on your vehicle to anchor your car seat, don't use a seat belt as well. Again, your car seat was designed to be used EITHER with the LATCH system OR the seat belt. Using both will cause the car seat to malfunction in the event of an accident. If your child is old enough to be turned forward facing (at least 2 years old) make sure you tether the car seat. Also keep in mind that most LATCH systems were only designed to be used with children up to 40 pounds. If your child is over 40 pounds switch from using the LATCH to a seat belt.

Ok, anything else I'm sure you can get from these links!!


prayerofhannah.blogspot.com/2009/06/rewind-to-car-seat-safety.html


www.cpssafety.com
www.nhtsa.gov
www.nhtsa.dot.gov/cps/cpsfitting/index.cfm (To find a safety seat installation inspector near you!)
www.aap.org/family/carseatguide.htm