Holidays

I had a conversation with my best friend recently about holidays and how we were choosing to celebrate them. Since becoming a parent a couple of months ago I have realized that Nathan and I need to be very intentional with our actions and words around a holiday. I mean an important holiday, not like Flag Day or the 4th of July. I'm talking about Christmas, and Easter and Thanksgiving... the important Christian high holidays. Especially Christmas and Easter. Our conversation was about these two particular holidays and how we were going to present them to our children. She had really been thinking about what she was going to tell her son about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Should she let him believe in them or not? If not, to what extent should he know about them? She was telling me during the course of the conversation that she and her husband took their son to an Easter egg hunt, and encouraged me to find an Easter egg hunt near us to take Derek to, even if he wasn't old enough to understand really, she thought it would be a fun family activity. When I told her that Nathan and I didn't really want to introduce him to Easter egg hunts or let him participate in them there was a short silence on the other end of the phone before she said "well it's not a sin to take your kid to an Easter egg hunt." She is right. It is not a sin to take your kid to an Easter egg hunt. It is not a sin to let your kid participate in one. But Nathan and I believe very strongly that Easter is the most important holiday in the Christian faith! It is even more important than Christmas because Easter is the day that the Lord Jesus rose again and completed his act of saving us from our sin! Without Easter we would have a dead god just like the rest of the false world religions. Without Easter there would be no propitiation for sin because Jesus would not have been God, but just a man. To detract from the awe and worship we should have in our hearts on this day by going on a silly pointless egg hunt or talking about a stupid rabbit would be wrong! We as believers should only have eyes for the Lord this day! We should have ourselves so fixated on the power of the cross and the resurrection that we don't care about candy eggs and bunnies. I can't stress enough how much I want my home to be rejoicing in the resurrection, and let's be honest, what child is thinking about the empty tomb while on an Easter egg hunt? Derek will not think "Gee, I'm really glad Jesus is risen" while searching for eggs. No, he will be thinking "I want candy!" Any normal child would. Easter is not about "I want candy." Easter is about "The Lord is Risen!" and that is the sound I want to hear in my house. So, no, while I don't feel there is anything inherently wrong in going on an Easter egg hunt in an of itself, I feel that it is wrong to detract from the glory Jesus should be getting on this day.

Now, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are a whole other matter entirely. Not only do both of these entities detract from the glory God should be getting on their respective holidays, but I believe there is a measure of sin in allowing your children to believe in them. Here is why... there is not one parent out there who's children believe in Santa who has not lied to them to perpetuate that belief. Whether it's an outright lie, or simply a lie of omission. At first it seems harmless when the kids are little and it does not take much work to allow them to believe in Santa. They go to bed fairly early on Christmas Eve, so mom and dad have plenty of time to get the presents under the tree, and they don't ask a lot of questions. But think about this, every parent who has written a letter to Santa for their young child has lied to them. They have simply not told them the truth, which is the same as a lie. They have perpetuated a deception. As the kids get older, it gets harder and harder to perpetuate the belief. Mom and Dad have to start getting up in the middle of the night to put the presents under the tree, or worse, the older child wants to sleep on the couch hoping to catch a glimpse of Santa, so mom and dad have to sneak around absolutely silently lest they wake the child and shatter their belief. Some older children may even begin to ask questions to which a parent has to outright lie in their answer to perpetuate the belief. Then finally one day, the child really is too old to believe in that stuff so he says to his mom, "Mommy, is Santa real?" "No honey, he's not." "Mommy, is the Easter Bunny real?" "No honey, it's not." "Mommy, is the Tooth Fairy real?" "No honey, she's not." Now that the child's whole belief system has been tragically shattered in one conversation, he asks one more tentative question. "Mommy, is Jesus real?" "Yes, honey, Jesus is real." And he is supposed to take my word for it??? You see, not only has the child's belief system been yanked out from under him, but his trust in me has also been crushed. Not permanently I suppose, but for that point in time, and maybe for some time after he may struggle to believe the Bible stories I tell him, after all I told him a lot of stories about Santa too. For this reason, it's dangerous to perpetuate belief in these non existent entities. It is far better for a child to know the truth from the beginning so there will never be a question of what is true and what isn't. Even if that means that the child will miss out on the "fun" of believing in Santa or the Easter Bunny. (Truth be told, I never believed in those things and I didn't feel that I missed out on anything, except being lied to by my parents, which I wouldn't have wanted anyways!)

These are really just the things we have decided for our family. I'm not going to condemn anyone who decides that Santa and the Easter Bunny are fine for their children to believe in. I am going to challenge them to really think about that decision though in the context of Scripture to see if that is the God glorifying decision, or if they're letting the world influence them.

Communication

Nathan and I used to run into problems a lot because he is an external processor (thinks out loud) and I am an internal processor (most of my thoughts take place in my head... where they belong :)) Before we figured out what was causing the issue, I would get frustrated with him because he would say one thing and thirty seconds later change his mind and say something else. A simple question had a thousand different answers. For example: "Where do you want to go for dinner tonight Nathan?" "Hmmmm, Ruby Tuesday could be good, I'm in the mood for a salad. (Pause) No, I actually think I want Chinese food. (Pause) Oh, Jake's let's go to Jake's! (Pause) I wish there was a good Chicago style pizza place around here. (Pause) I think seafood sounds good. (Pause) I don't know, where do you want to go, Sarah?" See what I mean? It's maddening! By the time he gets to Jake's I'm thinking make up your mind already!!!! Conversely, when he poses the same question to me the answer goes something like this... (Loooooooong pause in which my thoughts are...) I really don't like seafood, so I'm gonna shoot that one down. Ruby Tuesday is fine, but I'm not in the mood for a burger and that's really all that's there. I too really wish there was a good Chicago style pizza place around, but there's not so why talk about it??? Hmmmmm, Jake's......... "What''s taking you so long Sarah?" "I'm thinking!!!!" Actually I'd really like Mexican food. Hmmmm, will Nathan drive down to Eagan for El Loro? Well, it's worth an ask I guess! "How about Mexican?" See how that is maddening for Nathan?

The reason I'm talking about going out to dinner is because it is an example of something that can affect a marriage on its deepest level. Communication. Nathan recently brought to my attention that he feels I don't communicate with him enough. I was baffled by this statement. How could I not be communicating? I tell him everything! I've discovered that Nathan is actually interested in my thought process. When I'm taking 10 minutes to give an answer to the simple question "were do you want to go for dinner" he thinks I'm zoning out and that my "how about Mexican" answer was me flippantly throwing something out. I didn't realize that he was thinking, she's not listening to me at all!! Mexican wasn't even on my list! He doesn't realize that I've gone through his list in my head and come up with an option of my own. Likewise I felt that Nathan was indecisive. There should be one answer to the simple question "where do you want to go for dinner?" "Jake's," or "Chinese food" or "I'd really like to go to Ruby Tuesday." Not all of those in the same answer!!! I was failing to realize that Nathan and I were doing the same thing! We were both thinking, just in our own ways.

Be aware of how your spouse processes information. Don't be frustrated with an internal processor. They are listening to you, they do take you seriously. That is why they are silent for so long. They are carefully considering the situation. Don't be frustrated with an external processor. They are not indecisive, they are not impatient; they are simply weight their options carefully by determining which one sounds good.