Parenting advice from People Who Don't Have Kids!

Ok, so that title is bad, but this is going to be more about parenting than about the frontal issue. Keep reading, you'll understand.

I was watching the Tyra Show this afternoon. I never watch daytime tv because it's usually all crap, but a teaser for today's show hooked me and I decided to tune in. Part of today's show included a 14 year old girl who has a MySpace page on which she displays risque pictures of herself, has sex with a different boy every Saturday night, may possibly be pregnant and was going to reveal all of this to her mother. They brought her unsuspecting mother out onto the stage and as the girl revealed each secret the mom's perfect plaster face remained unchanged. After a moment the mother asks the inevitable question: "why?" the girl says she doesn't like herself she has low self esteem, she does it to feel wanted loved and beautiful (she sure sounded like a couselor coached her in this answer!) and that she wishes she could have a closer relationship with her mother. The mom says "well I'm not the one who's changed." To which a counselor in the audience replies that instead of taking that approach the mother should reach out to her daughter. Tyra asks what they are going to do when they get home now that all that's out in the open, and the mother responds that there will be punishment along the lines of some grounding and loss of priviledges. Tyra gives the mother this advice: "I actually think that it's very important that she told you the truth. I think your trust in her needs to go up not down because she revealed this to you."

Ok, I want to take a breif look at what's wrong with this whole segment. First of all is the obvious issue. We have a 14 year old girl who is sleeping around, having unprotected sex and may possibly be bringing a baby into the world. A baby having a baby. But what really astounded me about this whole segment was the mother. First of all, she's clueless. She has made some really bad parenting choices. She has allowed her daughter to run amuck on the internet unsupervised. This mother didn't even know that her daughter had a MySpace page. What teenagager doesn't have a MySpace or Facebook page? Instead of becoming involved in her daughter's life, this mother chose the path of detachment and distance. She claimed at one point that she and her daughter had talked about sex and choices. The daughter responded "a long time ago you told me what sex was..." The mother had obviously figured she had done her job and left it at that. The mother demonstrated further cluelessness when she asked, "Why didn't I know about this? How could I have missed this?" The daughter responded "it was easy. I just told you I was going to someone's house overnight." Meaning that clearly the mother never checked to make sure her daughter was where she said she would be. She never called the supposed friend's parents. She never kept her daughter accountable for being where she said she would be. Parents: Don't be this clueless!! Set boundaries for your child's internet activities. Check the history! Make them give you their passwords for email and MySpace and Facebook! The parenting "experts" would have you believe that this is a violation of your child's privacy. It is GOOD PARENTING!!! Make sure your child is where they say they will be. Call the friend's parents to make sure they are aware of weekend plans. Get to know their friends and when possible the parents. Your child will hate you, but you will be involved. When your child has demostrated responsibilty you can reward them by letting out the leash. My point here is don't wait for your daughter to reveal her promiscuity on the Tyra Show. Take preemptive action to make sure your children learn responsible behavior!

What really got me though was Tyra's advice at the end of the segment. The mother indicates that she's going to be a parent (finally) and punish the daughter for her actions and Tyra thinks that instead of that the mother should trust her daughter more. Sure, lady. Let the leash out more. Oh wait, it's already nonexistent. So in other words, now that the daughter has told her mother what's going on, the mother should nod, accept it and allow the daughter to continue life as usual? Sure. That's great advice Tyra. Word to the wise Tyra, you shouldn't EVER give parenting advice when you are childless yourself. You come off as stupid and having no idea what you're talking about!