Parenting advice from People Who Don't Have Kids!

Ok, so that title is bad, but this is going to be more about parenting than about the frontal issue. Keep reading, you'll understand.

I was watching the Tyra Show this afternoon. I never watch daytime tv because it's usually all crap, but a teaser for today's show hooked me and I decided to tune in. Part of today's show included a 14 year old girl who has a MySpace page on which she displays risque pictures of herself, has sex with a different boy every Saturday night, may possibly be pregnant and was going to reveal all of this to her mother. They brought her unsuspecting mother out onto the stage and as the girl revealed each secret the mom's perfect plaster face remained unchanged. After a moment the mother asks the inevitable question: "why?" the girl says she doesn't like herself she has low self esteem, she does it to feel wanted loved and beautiful (she sure sounded like a couselor coached her in this answer!) and that she wishes she could have a closer relationship with her mother. The mom says "well I'm not the one who's changed." To which a counselor in the audience replies that instead of taking that approach the mother should reach out to her daughter. Tyra asks what they are going to do when they get home now that all that's out in the open, and the mother responds that there will be punishment along the lines of some grounding and loss of priviledges. Tyra gives the mother this advice: "I actually think that it's very important that she told you the truth. I think your trust in her needs to go up not down because she revealed this to you."

Ok, I want to take a breif look at what's wrong with this whole segment. First of all is the obvious issue. We have a 14 year old girl who is sleeping around, having unprotected sex and may possibly be bringing a baby into the world. A baby having a baby. But what really astounded me about this whole segment was the mother. First of all, she's clueless. She has made some really bad parenting choices. She has allowed her daughter to run amuck on the internet unsupervised. This mother didn't even know that her daughter had a MySpace page. What teenagager doesn't have a MySpace or Facebook page? Instead of becoming involved in her daughter's life, this mother chose the path of detachment and distance. She claimed at one point that she and her daughter had talked about sex and choices. The daughter responded "a long time ago you told me what sex was..." The mother had obviously figured she had done her job and left it at that. The mother demonstrated further cluelessness when she asked, "Why didn't I know about this? How could I have missed this?" The daughter responded "it was easy. I just told you I was going to someone's house overnight." Meaning that clearly the mother never checked to make sure her daughter was where she said she would be. She never called the supposed friend's parents. She never kept her daughter accountable for being where she said she would be. Parents: Don't be this clueless!! Set boundaries for your child's internet activities. Check the history! Make them give you their passwords for email and MySpace and Facebook! The parenting "experts" would have you believe that this is a violation of your child's privacy. It is GOOD PARENTING!!! Make sure your child is where they say they will be. Call the friend's parents to make sure they are aware of weekend plans. Get to know their friends and when possible the parents. Your child will hate you, but you will be involved. When your child has demostrated responsibilty you can reward them by letting out the leash. My point here is don't wait for your daughter to reveal her promiscuity on the Tyra Show. Take preemptive action to make sure your children learn responsible behavior!

What really got me though was Tyra's advice at the end of the segment. The mother indicates that she's going to be a parent (finally) and punish the daughter for her actions and Tyra thinks that instead of that the mother should trust her daughter more. Sure, lady. Let the leash out more. Oh wait, it's already nonexistent. So in other words, now that the daughter has told her mother what's going on, the mother should nod, accept it and allow the daughter to continue life as usual? Sure. That's great advice Tyra. Word to the wise Tyra, you shouldn't EVER give parenting advice when you are childless yourself. You come off as stupid and having no idea what you're talking about!

Update on Campbell

Thank you all for praying! The surgery went well. The surgeon was ecstatic that the tumor was really easy to remove. She still has a shunt in her brain to relieve excess pressure caused by the tumor, and she will be sedated into tomorrow. So we are very excited by this news. Please continue to pray for Robin and Greg (her parents) and her sisters Caitlin and Caroline!

HI everyone! Please be in prayer for our little cousin Campbell. She had not been feeling well for about two weeks and had been running a constant fever of 103 or higher. She had been to the doctor several times for several different tests which all came back negative for meningitis and swine flu etc. She was sent home but yesterday she started losing her speech and motor skills. She started vomiting as well. They took her to the ER and she was admitted for more tests. This morning they discovered a golf ball sized malignant tumor in her brain. It is pushing against the part of the brain that controls speech and motor skills, which is why she started losing them. The doctors are optimistic that they will be able to remove the tumor in its entirety with surgery, which will happen tomorrow. My guess is that she will also have to complete chemotherapy after she recovers from surgery. Please pray for her as she endures this. She is only 3 years old, and it is a lot for a young child to bear. Also, pray for her two older sisters, Caitlin and Caroline. They do not yet know about Campbell's condition, so when they find out they will also have a lot to deal with. Please pray for Campbell's parents Greg and Robin. Thanks so much everyone!

Tornadoes and the ELCA

http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/1965_the_tornado_the_lutherans_and_homosexuality/

This morning Pastor John (Piper) published this article on the Desiring God blog and it has generated a firestorm!!!! Pastor John is no stranger to controversy and he finds himself in the thick of it again! Let me share my take of this article and the ideas it presents and I really want to hear what others think (does anyone even read this anymore??) So read the article then read what I wrote below and leave a comment with your thoughts!!!!


First of all, the majority of criticism centers around the idea that the tornado was a warning. The opinion of many people is that it is kind of ridiculous that the tornado would mean anything at all much less be a warning to the ELCA about the content of their convention. My response to this is why not? Why couldn't the tornado be a warning? After all God has used weather to teach lessons in the past, and He controls the weather, so why is it so far out of reach for us to think that He might use a tornado?

Secondly, the rest of the criticism centers around the ELCA and the issue of homosexuality. The problem here is that homosexuality has become so socially acceptable even among the church that people balk at the idea that God might want to warn against accepting it. I don't really want to go into the debate on homosexuality because that's not what this post is about. However, I will say that I am so sad that the mainstream churches of America are choosing to toss aside God's word and go with their own ideas. One day they will know the error of their ways.

So anyway, all in all, I thought this was an amazing post. I am so glad Pastor John wrote it. Even if the tornado wasn't God speaking to us (although I believe in this instance it was) it is something to think about!!

Honest Question...

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about an issue that seems to be a huge thing in our culture right now. These thoughts have been running through my head partially because of the moms message board I'm on and partially because of conversations I've had with people. The issue is labor and delivery. It seems that we are obsessed with how, when and where we give birth to our babies, and the debate gets heated!! It starts as a conversation: "Oh when was your baby born?" and turns somehow into a heated argument: "You had medication????" (the horror!) or "you're crazy to give birth at home. The best place is in a hospital!" Since nobody likes to feel like their choices are being insulted, comments like this turn quickly into: "You're so ignorant, you've never even tried a homebirth." or "don't judge me for getting an epidural it's my decision!" and it all spirals into a big mess with hurt feelings. And the crazy part is, it's a useless argument!!!! I mean come on! We've gotten to the point in this argument where moms who had to have c-sections are made to feel as though they are less of a mother than others. They hear things like "oh they took your baby out" and "too posh to push." Let's face it people, mothers who have had c-sections are not any less of a mother just because they didn't push the baby out! They still have a baby at the end. They still have to take care of another human being 24/7 regardless of how the baby got from the uterus to the outside world. Most of the time there is a good reason for their c-section. A lot of the time these women are crushed that they were unable to have a natural birth. They don't need friends family and strangers making it worse by saying or implying ridiculous things like those statements. Women who have epidurals are no less mothers than women who don't. Just because we opted for a pain free delivery does not make us lazy, selfish, or stupid. We made the decision to have a pain free delivery because that's what was best for us at the time. For me, it was not the pain I couldn't bear, it was the exhaustion. I gavae birth to a perfectly healthy baby who scored a 10 on his apgar test! He was not lethargic or anything. I did not have any problems whatsoever with recovery. I never even took an ibuprofen for the pain after delivery because I didn't have any! :) I call the epidural my "happy juice" because I had an AWESOME delivery after my epi. So, we don't need strangers, friends and family telling us that we are lazy and selfish because we chose pain medication. Women who go natural are such strong women!!! They are stronger women than I! I think it's so cool that there are women out there who are determined to experience childbirth the way women for thousands of years experienced it and they stick to it and follow through! Go natural childbirths and homebirths! They don't need family friends and strangers telling them they are crazy! They're not crazy they're strong!!!!!! But even after all of this the bottom line is that we are all mothers no matter how our children got into this world. Isn't a healthy happy baby and healthy happy mommy what really matters here? Let's band together as mommies to support each other rather than tear each other down because of our labor and delivery choices. That's over now and in the past. No matter how your baby was born, you are a kick butt woman cuz you're a mommy!!!!!

Welcome Abigail!!!!

I want to welcome Abigail Faith to the world!! She was born July 30th at 9pm. She came in at 9lbs 3 oz. and her proud family is Nathaniel, Lisa, and big brother Abraham!! Welcome Abigail!!!!!!

I'm Back!

So I'm back after a one month hiatus from blogging. I don't know what happened to the month of July but it went by so fast with everything going on that I didn't even have time to blog!!!! We went to Illinois the first week of the month and spent some time there with Nathan's parents. It was good to be away from the hubub of city life, but it was busy week in and of itself! We drove down on a Wednesday and went to visit old friends on Thursday, to Nathan's aunt and uncle's on Friday, into Chicago on Saturday and finally on Sunday we got a chance to rest!! This was all while I was trying to recover from my wrist surgery! It was very painful at first, but by the end of the second week I was feeling much better. I wasn't able to care for Derek at all the fist week, and the beginning part of the second week. I felt so bad, but I tried to play with him a ton and let him know that I was still around! Nathan was so great helping me and my mom and sister helped a lot too!! So anyway, the rest of the month is pretty much a blur and now it is August. Derek will be 6 months old on Tuesday. I cannot believe how fast this time is going!