Memorial Day

So, Memorial Day tomorrow has me thinking about my grandparents. My mom's parents were amazing. I have such awesome memories of them. Fishing off my grandpa's boat and eating lunch on the dock. Grandma pressing a $20 into my little hand before we left for the airport and whispering "don't tell your mother!" with a smile on her face. The basket on the coffee table that was ALWAYS filled with candy. Not the nasty hard candy either, the good stuff like peanut butter Twix and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and mini Nestle Crunch bars. Yum! The house that was always warm and in the old days smelled like cigarette smoke, and in the latter days smelled just faintly like the smoke but more like the roast in the rotisserie oven. Even the TV always being on is a fun memory. It was the only time we were allowed to watch TV all day, and CABLE at that!! :) I remember the bed in the middle room. The middle room used to be a dining room in the compartmentalized style of those little saltbox houses. It still had a dining room table in it, but it was never used. The bed in there was one of the most comfortable beds I've ever slept on. And, I could see the TV from the door at the end of the bed that was always open a crack. As a kid I would lay at the opposite end of the bed and watch it until I was too tired to watch anymore. :) There were trophy fish mounted on the walls. There was a pretty little (ok, not so little, but in comparison with some of the others it was) blue fish that I wish I had. For some reason I liked that fish. It was my favorite. I loved lunches from Wegman's that Grandma would go with us to get. She would always make sure we got to Bill Gray's and Abbott's. SUPER YUM! I remember her saying at Abbott's "forget my diabetes! I'm having some frozen yogurt!" Haha! I remember Grandpa's huge metal belt buckles with deer or fish on them. He would always forget to take them off at the airport and would set the metal detector off. I remember the way he would say "hi honey!" to me and my sister. They were the same words Grandma would say but said totally different. I remember the flat feeling in my heart the day I was told Grandpa had lung cancer. It was not a surprise, he had been a heavy smoker, but it was horrible nonetheless. I remember the last time I saw him. Spring break (March??) 1999. I was 15. I wanted to go to Florida and was mad I had to be in New York. I will never fully forgive myself for that. The cancer was spreading and he was sometimes not in his right mind. I remember talking about going to Wegman's for lunch and him saying "Barbecue? We're having barbecue??" And Grandma, lol, just went off; "We're not having barbecue!! Who said anything about barbecue? Nobody said anything about barbecue!" We had to laugh or we would cry. We still laugh about it. I remember the day I found out he died. I was at school. Mom and Dad didn't call me to tell me. I happened to call after school to ask a question and pulled it out of Dad. I cried in the bathroom for 20 minutes. I'm sure people thought I was crazy or something. I don't remember much about Grandpa's funeral. I remember thinking that his casket was so "him". I remember the internment being so final. I remember Grandma looking frantically for Aunt Sandy who's headstone had been accidentally covered by the green fake turf carpet spread over the opening of Grandpa's grave. We pulled back the carpet so Grandma could see her oldest daughter, and could be assured Grandpa was being buried in the right place. I remember how three years after Grandpa died, Grandma got on a plane for the first time in many many years and flew out to see me graduate from high school. It was June 2002. It was so precious. When it was time for her to leave the ticketing agent at the airport asked me if I wanted a special pass so I could accompany her to the gate. (This was after 9/11 so the rules had changed.) I got to go to the gate with her and sit with her until they boarded her onto the plane. Just her and me time. She pressed a $20 into my hand as they were wheeling her away and advised "don't tell your mother." :) 5 months later Dad called me at college to tell me she had passed suddenly. The tears came freely. They still do when I think about it. So did the words "I see the Lord seated on the throne, exalted. And, the train of His robe fills the temple with glory!" I thought that is what Grandma is seeing right now!! How blessed is she! I also barely remember Grandma's funeral. I remember "Old Rugged Cross." The song still brings tears to my eyes. I remember the rain the next day during the internment. It was very fitting. I remember pulling back the green carpet to make sure Aunt Sandy and Grandpa were there and that we were burying her in the right place. It's what she would have wanted done. I wish I could go this year and lay flowers on their graves. Oh how I miss them. They would have loved Nathan. They would have adored Derek. They would have pressed $20's into his little hand and told him not to tell me. They would have kissed his little dimples. He would have called them grandma great and grandpa great. Someday he will see them in heaven I am convinced of it. But for now he will hear stories about them so that he will know that they lived and that they were loved by their oldest granddaughter. They were both World War II vets, but that is not how I remember them. This is how I remember them, how I will always remember them.

Baby(not so)Wise

I forget if I have mentioned the dangers of the book On Becoming Babywise in this blog or not. It has been linked to failure to thrive infants, and other developmental issues. The Christian Research Counsel has published an article regarding the dangers of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo both technically (as far as their sketchy parenting information) and theologically. This is a fantastic article and I highly recommend my Christian parent readers check it out!

The Cultic Characteristics of Growing Families International

How Great is our God!!!!

If you want to know how great God is, just ask these people!!!

Bill and Cara whose daughter Sophia Grace was born this month
Brian and Marci whose son Elijah Sullivan was born this month (the same day as Sophia!)
Bryan and Rachel whose son Elijah Timothy was born this month

Praising God for the blessing of children!!!!

An Informed Decision

Before Derek was born I asked Nathan a seemingly no-brainer question. "Are we going to have him circumcised? Nathan answered "of course." It was the answer I expected, and quite honestly the answer I wanted. First of all, Nathan has Jewish heritage so I was fairly certain that Nathan was going to want Derek circumcised for that if no other reason. Second of all I was under the impression that it's healthier for boys to be circumcised. I had been told that there are all sorts of things that could go wrong if a boy is left uncircumcised. Urinary tract infections, cancer, fungal growth ect. I thought "yuck!" I didn't want my son to get an infection. I also thought that it was just something that you did with your boys. After all, Nathan is circumcised and so was every other boy born to our friends recently so I thought it was something you just did.

Then, Derek was born. In the hospital they gave me an information sheet about circumcision along with the consent form I had to sign. I wish I read that information sheet. Here is what the information sheet said (I have bolded the parts that are important):

"What are some of the medical reasons for circumcision?-
-May lower the risk of infection. Such infections are rare and usually easy to treat.
-May lower the risk of cancer of the penis. This is a rare cancer and proper care will work as well to prevent.
-May lower the risk later in life of getting or passing on sexually transmitted diseases. But more studies need to be done on this.
-Will prevent certain problems that can affect the foreskin. These problems are rare.

"What are some of the medical reasons against circumcision?
-The foreskin is not an accident of nature. It helps protect the tip of the penis against irritation and scarring though scarring is rare.
-The surgery is painful. Pain medication can be used but there is a risk of side effects.
-The surgery is permanent.
-The surgery has some risks

"What are the risks of circumcision?
-As with any surgery there is a risk of bleeding, infection and unforeseen problems.
-In rare cases too much or too little of the foreskin can be removed.
-A band of scar tissue may form on the penis."

That was the information sheet given to me by the HOSPITAL! They were more than willing to do the surgery, but the whole time they were giving me reasons not to do it. I wish I had listened. In my quest to be a more informed parent I have discovered that I have made a terrible mistake that I cannot take back.

When they took Derek for the surgery they asked if I wanted to accompany him. Something in the back of my brain told me that I didn't want to go. That should have been my first clue. My maternal instinct to protect my son from the certain excruciating pain should have kicked in, but it didn't. Instead I sent Nathan with him so that he didn't have to go alone. Hearing Nathan describe what happened when they returned made me cry. Even then I didn't get it. I still thought I had done what was best for my son.

I know better now. I have done a lot of research, and I have to give credit to the Peaceful Parenting blog for setting me on the path to informed decision making. Here are some facts about the foreskin that I bet you didn't know!

-The penis was never meant to be a dry organ. The foreskin is intended to keep the head of the penis moist.
-The foreskin prevents the desensitization of the penis head. This creates a better sexual experience.
-The foreskin maintains optimal temperature and PH balance.

There is so much more to post about the case against circumcision. For example, the routine circumcision of boys didn't start until the Cold-War era. Ironically the same time that formula feeding was normalized. Interesting huh? As for the Jewish argument, well, my response to that is this: we live under the New Covenant, we are free in Jesus Christ of the Old Law. Just as Jews and Gentiles alike do not have to follow the old dietary rules, so we do not have to follow the old rules of separation. We are made separate from the world by the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives, not by mutilating a part of our bodies. Also, if an intact penis is properly cared for there is no more chance of infection than there is with a cut penis. Proper care includes wiping the intact penis down like a finger and NEVER retracting the foreskin. Many doctors will tell parents of intact boy to do this. Be informed. Only clean what is seen!!!! The foreskin is fused until sometime around adolescence when it will retract on its own. Then you must teach your son to retract it and clean it in the shower.

So bearing all that in mind I have on my to do list to write a letter of apology to my sweet Derek for making the decision to remove a part of his body that I did not have a right to take. And I have made the decision, and Nathan is in full agreement with me, that any future sons will be left intact. God doesn't make mistakes, and He didn't make a mistake when He created the foreskin.

Upset Tonight...

I am upset tonight. I am upset that a person that our family cares about is hurting and the person who is hurting her doesn't care. I am upset that the hurt person is just a kid and the person hurting her is an adult and should know better. I am upset that the adult can't see past their own selfish sin enough to give a crap about anything. I am upset that no one is doing ANYTHING about it. I am upset that I have to pretend to be nice to this adult because I am not in the position to say anything when I know about the rampant unrepentant sin going on. I am upset and I hope I don't see this adult any time soon because nothing that will come out of my mouth will be nice.