I'm tired of writing on here and knowing that people read this but no one ever comments! So here is a post that I want EVERYONE to comment on! Even lurkers (I know you're there!).
Okay, so everybody has their ideas on parenting, even people who don't have kids. I don't care what category you fall into, pick one of the following topics and leave your opinion on a comment!!! :) (Oh, and I will post my opinion below each one in italics so no one can I didn't follow my own advice!)
1. Cry it out. (Letting your baby cry to learn to self soothe.) People call this controversial at best, and the worst thing I've ever heard it called it child abuse. I'm interested to know, did you do it, or would you do it and why or why not.
We are in the process of doing this right now with Derek. I held off for too long. I tend to agree with the camp that says it's okay to do with your older baby (7 months and older) but not your young baby (younger than 6 months). Older babies have object permanence and know that just because you left the room does not mean you no longer exist and they are alone. They know you are still there. They know you will come back and get them in the morning or after nap time is over. They understand that they are supposed to sleep in their cribs and that when they are in their crib and the room is dark they are supposed to sleep. A young baby or a newborn does not understand this. They do not have object permanence. To them when they cannot see you, you do not exist. All they know is that they are lying in a dark room in a big crib and they are scared. It's not okay, in my opinion, to leave your baby in that condition. Also not okay... leaving your baby to cry when you haven't made sure all of his/her basic needs are met (fed, clean diaper etc.).
2. Bottle feeding vs. Breastfeeding. Once again, I've heard bottle feeding called child abuse. So what do you think? Would you choose to bottle feed? Would you use it as a last resort? Or do you fall into the camp that says breast feeding is the ONLY way to feed your baby?
Well, I wanted to breastfeed, and I did for a while.... but it didn't work out for us. Derek was never a good nurser, and after weeks of tough nursing, my milk dried up. So, it was bottle feeding for us. Derek has thrived on it. He has caught up to where he should be in weight and is soooo smart! So for us it has worked. That's not to say I won't try to breast feed again, but if it doesn't work next time, I won't cry about it.
3. Method of birth. Leave your opinion about your preferred method of birth. Are you a home birther, all natural? Or a natural hospital birther? Or even a hospital birther with all the pain meds available? :)
I wanted a natural hospital birth, but after laboring naturally for hours I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep but my contractions were so close together I could barely breathe between them. So, after much deliberation I asked for the epidural and after it took effect I had the best birth experience ever! I was able to enjoy Derek's birth, I was able to be involved since I wasn't concentrating on the pain. It was great. I plan to get an epidural next time too!
Okay, your turn!!!!! Comment with your opinion!!!!
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I don't like the cry it out method...I tend to like the baby wearing/attachment parenting style. That being said, after a certain point, it can become no longer feasible. I did let both of my kiddos cry in the end, going in every 5-15 minutes to comfort them. It wasn't fun, but my kids are pretty good sleepers now, so I'm glad I did it.
ReplyDeleteI am a huge fan of breastfeeding. I think it's important, at least to try, if you can. I, like you, had my milk supply dry up, so I did end up having to bottle feed. I think that breast feeding is important because of the health benefits, especially in the first few weeks. That being said, I never would look down on someone who didn't try or ended up bottle feeding. Some of us can't breast feed for more than a few weeks or months and others can't (or won't) for other equally important reasons.
I know that things can go wrong very quickly in delivery. I saw fetal heart monitors that went from fine to severely dangerous in a few seconds. That being said, I think it's important to be very well monitored. I have friends who have done homebirths. It's not something I would do knowing how quickly things can go wrong, but again, I think it's so wrong for us to judge what other people are going to do. As long as they are well informed with both the risks and benefits (of any birth plan), that's great. I'm glad that I had epidurals because of my horrible tearing I had with both kiddos. Not really something I would have wanted to feel. Who knows what'll happen this time around though.
It's always frustrating to me when we as women judge one another's decisions in regards to parenting. We really should be encouraging and supporting one another (something I know you do, Sarah). Of course, it's good to learn from others and to see things that you would do differently (especially in behavior issues). It's all to easy to judge another parent without knowing what's really going on.
Marci
Thanks for commenting Marci!!!! The point of this post was really to get people talking to me. I'm interested in other people's parenting ideas and why they feel that way. I feel like we have so much to learn from each other and the more we talk the more I learn!!!!
ReplyDeleteI try to comment most of the time. :-) And I know that you want to learn...I just wish that more mommies felt that way.
ReplyDeleteI saw the link to here on Nathan's blog. Can I comment?
ReplyDeleteSleeping: I think the best way to categorize what Chad and I have done with each of our three would be to say we chose the attachment style until they were 7-9 months or so, and then moved to the cry-it-out method for naps and bedtime and it's worked well. Teaching them to be able to put themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the night is a gift we can give them, even though it's so hard for us as parents at first. Charis goes down to bed like a dream now.
Feeding: When my mom was a baby, my grandma couldn't breastfeed, and my mom was allergic to all formula, so she would drink boiled rice water. That's it. It wasn't fortified with iron, vitamins, DHA, or anything. It was starch water. She grew up to be healthy, beautiful, and brilliant. This has been a huge comfort to me, in knowing that babies are far more resilient than we think, and whatever we choose, we're not going to ruin them. In all things we need to have grace. Moms can be far too judgmental and critical. If something involves a choice between two alternatives, there's always going to be a tendency for moms to smugly pat themselves on the back with inward assurances that they made the BEST choice. Feeding is one of the best examples. Good moms make sure their kids are fed well. There are numerous ways to do this. I had a horrible time breastfeeding at first, each time, but stuck it out and have so far nursed each child past the one year mark, which was my goal. I'm thankful it worked out, but I'd still be a good mom if it hadn't. I was a formula-fed baby and by God's grace, have always been healthy and very successful academically.
Birth: Again, grace. I ended up with an epidural with all three. I tried an all-natural, no medical intervention (not even an IV), Bradley-method birth with Eliana. She came with a posterior presentation, basically face up, forehead first (those labors and deliveries are much slower and more painful). It was excruciating. I made it to an 8 and was desperate for an epidural. They almost didn't let me have one because I was so close (they thought; really it took 4 more hours). The IV was a neccessary part of the epidural, and it's my belief that the IV probably saved both our lives. We didn't know it until we approached delivery, but I also had placenta previa and she had the cord around her neck (which can be fine, except that her presentation and subsequent slow delivery made for a bad combination). Her heart rate dropped, I was bleeding profusely, and we were too far gone for a C-section and needed her out fast. I thank God that in His sovreignty, He made me need the epidural (due to her position), which came with an IV, which allowed me to get a lot of Pitocin fast, as well as giving me a brilliant doctor who was able to save us both. Natural childbirth is great and probably better in many ways, but due to my experience with Ana, I didn't try it with Charis and probably won't again. ---Kim