Confessions of A New Mom Part I

Welcome to my new series. Confessions of A New Mom. Now, granted, I'm not exactly a new mom, I've been Mom to Derek for a while now, but I'm the mom of a new baby, so that counts. So without further ado, here is Part I...

I Hate Breastfeeding!

I feel like this is something I'm not supposed to hate! So many people talk about how much they love it, but I'm just not feeling it. I breastfed Derek for 7 weeks, and gave up after bad information and formula supplementing depleted my milk supply to nothing. But deep down, I was relieved after I gave it up. I didn't have to worry anymore about wearing clothes I could nurse in easily. I didn't have to worry about sore nipples anymore. I didn't have to deal with engorgement after going on a date with my husband and missing a feeding. It was a little bit of a pain to carry around multiple bottles and formula when we went somewhere, but it was an small inconvenience I was willing to deal with. This time around, things are different. I have much better information. I am more educated about the benefits of and mechanics of breastfeeding. I don't have an excuse for not breastfeeding Owen, so I'm doing it. But I realize I'm doing it begrudgingly. My nipples hurt a lot at first. I have clothes that I packed up and sent into storage because there's no way I can wear them this summer. It would be impossible to nurse in them. I have to bring my pump with me when I go on a date with my husband so I can pump in the car on the way home. It's a pain, but it's what's best for my son. I am determined to do things differently this time around, so I continue nursing. However, I can tell you right now I will not be an EBF-er. One year will be my cut off point. I love my son, but I also want my body back. Plus I want to be able to eat pizza, and lasagna, and ice cream again. :)

For Father's Day

To my Daddy: What can a girl say about the best Daddy God could have given her? There's so much I should tell you. Like how you were a perfect example of the kind of guy I should look for to marry myself. I say perfect because you were not afraid of your imperfections, but you always were diligent about killing the sin in your life even in front of me and Bekah, showing us how we should do it too. I never harbored ill feelings for the things you missed because of your job. After all, what's one or two piano recitals missed when we took the coolest family vacations ever? :) You have taught me so many lessons through the years, I can't possibly name them all. But, I can tell you this, when the situation presents itself, I will suddenly remember very vividly something you said, or did in the same situation that taught me how to handle it. I totally forgive you for choosing Butterfly Kisses as our Father/Daughter dance at my wedding and making me cry so hard there was no recovering my makeup afterwards. :)One of my favorite memories is having Super Soaker fights in the backyard. We battled with the old pump action Super Soaker 50's (The COOLEST water guns on the market at the time) and we always ended up drenched. I wonder how one of those battles would go with the new battery powered automatic water guns nowadays!! Or how you would set up the little tent in the backyard every year for me and Bekah to play in, and you would be a good sport one night a year and agree to camp out with us in it. You very rarely said no to watching me jump on Jack's trampoline, even though I'm sure I asked at some pretty inopportune times. Although I was pretty excited when we were finally able to get a trampoline of our own. I got over hating you for grounding me from the car after I backed it into the garage by accident, then didn't tell you about it for weeks. I still talk about the times you took me on a trip with you. Even though one of those times didn't turn out the way we thought it would. Remember how we ended up in Morristown NJ instead of Manhattan??? Oops! :) However, there is one thing that sticks in my mind most of all. Something you taught me with out even realizing it. It was after Mom and I got into a huge fight. We were hurling insults at each other, and you arrived and broke up the fight. I remember you doling out my punishment for disrespecting her (don't remember what the punishment was, but I was mad about it). I said something along the lines of how it was unfair when she was just as guilty in the fight as I was. You leveled your gaze at me and said "She is my wife and I will protect her, even from you." With out realizing it, you showed me the lengths a man should go for his wife. Fortunately, the Lord gave me a husband who lives up to this. Thank you for showing me what that type of man looks like so I could recognize him when I found him. Most of all, thank you for showing me Jesus. Thank you for your constant witness during the 21 years I lived under your roof. Thank you for the example of parenting you have given me. I love you so much Daddy!!!

To my Husband: How could I have asked for a better father for my children?? God sure knew what he was doing when he gave you to me! Our boys are blessed to call you Daddy. I love watching you wrestle with Derek and lavish Owen with kisses. I jokingly call you the "baby guy" because you are always so great with the little ones, but especially your own. I love the twinkle you get in your eyes when your son(s) are the subject of conversation. And the way you laugh with me when we have parenting mishaps. I love that after two children, your love for me hasn't faded a bit. You hear of dads who are totally disconnected from their wives and children, and I am so thankful that you are willingly engaged in your family. I love that you are always striving to be a better example of Jesus to our children. In this they will see Him. Thank you for getting up with Derek every day, especially now that we have Owen and I am up during the night with him. Thank you for doing the dishes, and helping with the laundry, and helping with the cleaning. Thank you for being patient with me and my messiness, even though I know it sometimes drives you to the brink of insanity. I love you more than you'll ever know.

To my Grandpa: I miss you more than ever now that it's been 12 years since you went to be with Jesus. I wish more than anything that you could have met Derek and Owen. I wish you could have taken them fishing. They would have loved that. I am so incredibly thankful that you are my grandpa. More than anything else I am thankful that you came to know Jesus before it was too late. I know that you are waiting to meet my boys in heaven when we all join you eventually. I can't wait to introduce them to you. In the meantime, they will hear stories about you. Like how you spared a 4 or 5 year old me the trauma of knowing I'd accidentally killed a fish. It swallowed the hook and there was just no way to remove it without killing the fish. You skillfully redirected my attention and disposed of the dead fish before I even knew what had happened. Or how you bravely quit smoking cold turkey because the doctor told you if you wanted more time with your family you had to quit. Or how you used to give me money and tell me not to tell Mom. I love and miss you Grandpa.

To my Pop Pop: I'm so glad you get to know my boys. Derek and Owen are so incredibly blessed to have a great grandfather to get to know. Thanks for always putting us up in your house when we came to visit Rochester. You are a pretty incredible example to me of how to stay young. :) I mean when I was in high school you were still playing tennis at the club all the time! I'm so glad you and Nana are a part of my life, and a part of Derek's life. I can't wait for you guys to meet Owen!!! Thank you for all you have done for me over the years. I love you!!!

More about Owen

Well, Owen is officially 3 weeks old! He is doing great! At his two week appointment last week he weighed 8lbs, and was 21.5 inches long, so he is a growing boy!!! He is doing so well! The best development is his desire to sleep at night! He will eat for a REALLY long time around 9:30pm (for like an hour or more) but then he will go to bed and sleep for 5 hours, eat again, and sleep for anywhere between 3-5 more hours after that! FABULOUS! I realized I didn't include any pictures in his birth story post, so here are a few for you all!

Welcome to the World Abel and Belle!!!!

As many of you know, I've been closely following my friends Aaron and Jennifer in their journey through embryo adoption. Well, the Lord is so good and Jennifer has delivered their twins safely! Abel and Belle were born at 31 weeks due to severe preeclampsia. They are in the NICU, but are doing well. Jennifer underwent two surgeries, her initial C-section, and a second surgery to stop some internal bleeding afterward. But, she has recovered and has been discharged from the hospital, praise the Lord! We continue to pray for Abel and Belle to grow strong so they can leave the NICU and go home. Welcome to the world Abel and Belle! You are loved already by so many people!!!!

Owen's Birth Story

On May 27th Nathan and I (and Derek) welcomed Owen Michael into our family!!! Here's how it all went down:

On May 26th I had been feeling contractions for weeks. We expected Owen's arrival any day, but he was taking his sweet time. I was dilated to 3cm and was 70% effaced, so I was really just waiting for my water to break. That evening Nathan was poking Owen (in my belly) for fun and I felt a trickle of fluid. I suspected that my water had torn but not broken. I didn't feel any more fluid after that initial trickle, so I figured that Owen's head had blocked the tear. I called my doctor who sent me up to labor and delivery at the hospital. When I got there, they tried to test me for amniotic fluid, but the test kept coming back negative. Again, I wasn't leaking any fluid after that initial trickle, so I wasn't all that surprised that the test was negative. I wasn't having any regular contractions (although I was having them) so they decided to discharge me and send me home to see if labor started on it's own. Before I left the nurse scheduled an appointment at 9am the next day with my doctor. That night I went for a long walk around the neighborhood with a friend and hoped that labor would start overnight. It didn't. I went to the doctor the next morning hoping that she would have some advice for me on how to get labor going. I wanted to wait for spontaneous labor but I was also worried about the possible water bag tear. When I got to the doctor I was dilated to 4cm. She told me my options were to wait it out, or go over to the hospital, have her break my water and see if my body took over from there. I was having contractions every 10 minutes by this time so I was pretty confident that my body would know what to do. I opted to go home, get Derek over to the babysitter's and get my bag packed the rest of the way and then head over to the hospital. I called my mom, who grabbed her already packed suitcase and headed over to the airport to try to get on an overbooked plane. It wasn't looking good for her to get here that afternoon, but she went anyway, and we started praying. I got to the hospital, got situated in bed and waited for my doctor. I was still having regular contractions, but I wasn't in any pain. Nathan and I were hanging out and watching TV when my doctor came in at about 12:30pm and broke my water. After that my contractions got more regular and closer together but I still wasn't in any pain. I was dilated to 6cm by now and so I got out of bed and onto the birthing ball to hang out there for a while. At 2pm they checked me again and I was still at 6cm. My doctor wanted to give a 5 minute long slow drip of Pitocin. I wasn't thrilled with the idea. I had wanted to avoid Pitocin at all costs, but at that point I realized it would help. After 5 minutes they came in and turned it off. The Pit contractions were so painful. It was awful. There's a reason the epidural rates for women who are induced are so high! I was begging Nathan to let me give in and get an epidural, but he was great and refused. It didn't take very long for my body to take over once I accepted the fact that I was not going to do pain drugs of any kind. I was pretty out of it for the next hour or so. I was aware of the nurses checking on me. I was aware of Nathan holding my hand. I was aware of my doctor stopping in periodically to check on me. I was aware of them getting ready to deliver and them setting up a fan to keep me cool (because I started sweating horribly through each contraction because of the pain). But I didn't care about any of it. All I could focus on was getting through each contraction. Finally I came awake when my doctor said it was time to push. Pushing was crazy strange. I could literally feel Owen moving down with each push. At one point there was horrible pressure on my tailbone, but I pushed through it. Getting the shoulders out was the hardest part. (Wide shouldered Metcalfs!) Then just like that, it was over. Owen was born. Turns out that pressure on my tailbone was Owen's face. He came out all black and blue in the face from slamming into my tailbone so hard. But, he was healthy! He was 7lbs. 10oz, and 20 inches long. He is a little nursing machine and when he was weighed a couple days ago he was 7lbs 12oz (which after dropping to 7lbs even at the hospital is pretty darn good weight gain!). He is such a great baby. He doesn't scream unless he's STARVING. He just fusses to let us know he needs something. We sleep pretty well at night except for between 2 and 4am. He really wants those to be awake hours, but Mommy is not so thrilled with that idea so we are working on that. He is laid back and easy going, and like I said, a champion nurser now that we are over the initial learning process. Things are going pretty well in the Metcalf house for now. Derek loves his little brother and never misses an opportunity to hold him and cuddle him and love on him (supervised of course). We will resume life as normal when Nathan goes back to work on Sunday! (Eek!) More updates to come!

God's Blessings

I just HAD to write a blog post about what the Lord has been doing in our lives the past couple of months. It is just so cool! As some of you (but not all of you) know we have been having a really hard time financially recently. Before this pregnancy we were doing okay. But when we became pregnant the medical bills started piling up and our insurance company shrugged their shoulders at us and said that because we had not yet been on their insurance for a year, they would not cover ANY of my maternity care, labor or delivery. Frustrated, we ditched the company and applied for state health aid for me. If we could just get this pregnancy covered we figured we could go back on the insurance afterward. No one seemed to think getting me covered would be a problem. But it was. It seems that we make $300 above the qualifying cutoff line. And of course, it has taken us about 8 months to get answers from the state about this, and to finally get a denial letter. It has been probably the most discouraging 8 months we've had in a long time. We have struggled to make ends meet and keep up with our doctor bills for this pregnancy. At the same time we have struggled to live by faith. We have lost faith at times, lost sight of the fact that God does indeed care for us and will provide all of our needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. We have forgotten that He is Jehovah Jireh. We have had to recommit ourselves to trusting that He is truly faithful and good. And as we have done that we have seen His faithfulness in amazing ways. It started when I was told I would not be able to have my level 2 ultrasound without paying $300 to the hospital up front. There was NO way I was going to be able to get that kind of money together before the U/S was scheduled. In tears, I confessed to my parents our situation and told them I was going to have to cancel the procedure. Their response was beyond what I could have imagined. They gave me the $300 I needed to pay the hospital. Over the next few weeks we experienced a series of what is commonly known as "mailbox experiences". We received money from Nathan's parents, some dear dear friends from church, and even more money from my parents all to go toward my prenatal care. (In addition, my parents gave us some money to take a date night!!!!) It seemed like we were finally getting our heads above water. And then, we started looking at baby gear for two kids. Oy! Double strollers are EXPENSIVE! I knew we were going to need one, but I just didn't see how we were going to be able to afford one. And I knew that needs come before wants, but I really wanted a double jogging stroller so that I could go for walks with the boys this summer. (Regular strollers are difficult to use for real exercise.) After checking out all my options, I finally settled on a tandem stroller that was on the cheaper end, but still going to cost almost $200. I gave up on the double jogger. Then came a bigger blow. No double stroller on the market was going to fit into the trunk of our Mazda 6. The only one that was a remote possibility was an almost $400 stroller. Yikes. There was no way this was going to work. We couldn't afford a $400 stroller, and there NO WAY we could afford a new car. So, I prayed. I prayed for weeks that the Lord would make a way. On Maundy Thursday I was approached by a family at our church wanting to give us their minivan. They had no use for it anymore, and wanted a family who needed it to have it. They said the Lord immediately laid us on their hearts. I couldn't speak, only nod dumbly (speechlessly) as I tried to drag my jaw off the floor. We got a new car in a matter of days. I couldn't even begin to believe that the bright blue happy looking minivan sitting in my driveway was mine!! I've never been so happy to drive a mom-mobile (and I call it that affectionately!) We were still faced with the problem of being able to afford a stroller, but after the way the Lord took care of us with the car, I decided He would take care of the stroller problem too. And boy did He!!! We were given not one, but TWO double tandem strollers!!! So, we have one to keep at my parents' house in MN, and one to use here at home!! On top of everything, because we were given two tandem strollers, I was able to use all our gift cards given to us at our shower to nearly completely pay for a double jogging stroller!!!!!! Ohhhhh it gets better people! I met with a lady at our local health department who runs a program that will pay for ALL of my care for the last trimester of my pregnancy!!!!! (This program could have paid for all my prenatal care, but I wasn't informed of the program's existence until last week. The best she could do was cover my last trimester. It is much much better than nothing, that's for sure.) After all this, God wasn't done. Last week I went to Pampered Chef party. I needed to get a gift for our next door neighbor's wedding, so I ordered them something. There was a promotion going on, spend $60 and get this adorable coupon holder in a pink zebra stripe fabric. SO cute!! But, $60 was completely out of the question. So, I put the coupon holder out of my mind, and went on with life. Two days ago I got an email from another lady who was at the party wanting to know if I got the coupon holder. She did get one, and doesn't coupon, so she wanted to know if I wanted it. WHAT???? God wasn't finished when He gave us what we needed, He went an extra step and handed me something I wanted too. How great is our God? If ever anyone needed proof of His goodness, it was me. And He showed me in a BIG way that when we walk in faith, He is faithful and can give us more than all we could ever ask or imagine! Praise the Lord for His faithfulness in my life recently!!!!

Baby Stuff

Well, it's almost time folks! In less than 3 weeks we will be a family of four!!!! How exciting and scary and exciting and scary and did I mention exciting and scary? So, I've been working on my baby checklist for a week and a half now, and I think I might be almost done! Let's see...

New Car: Check! Ok, this wasn't originally on my baby checklist, because there's NO WAY we could have afforded to buy a new car. We were planning on cramming what we could into our Mazda 6. But, God had a cool plan! A family at church was giving away their Dodge Caravan and asked if we could use it, to which we dumbly nodded. SPEECHLESS! So, we got a new car that will FIT everything in it!!!!! Praise the Lord!

Carseat: Check! Of course, this was leftover from when Derek was an infant so we already had it, but it is in the car and ready to go!

Double stroller: Check times 3!!!! We had two Graco Duogliders given to us for free! (Praise the Lord again!) So, we will keep one at my parents' house for use when we are in MN, and the other we will use here at home! Because people were so generous to us by giving us those tandem strollers, I was able to use baby shower gift cards to purchase a double jogging stroller! I am totally excited about this because during the summer I walk up to 5 miles a day and a jogging stroller is a must when you're doing those kinds of distances. It's just all around easier to push and handle, so I wanted one really badly. The one I got even has all the features I wanted! (Individual sunshades for each kid and a snack tray for each kid! Plus the infant seat snaps into it! Score!)

Derek switched to a toddler bed: Check (finally)! It took a couple months, but Derek is now comfy in his toddler bed at night, and we have a solid routine reestablished in our house. More praise for that because it was rough for a couple months there.

Crib ready: Check! Mattress is raised and clean sheets are on it, and it is ready to go!

Baby Laundry done: Check! After a full week of doing nothing but laundry (nesting!) it is finally done and put away and ready to go!

Extras bought: Check! We did a Babies R Us shopping trip yesterday! We got newborn pacifiers, another diaper pod for Owen (because Derek is still using his), new bottle nipples just in case we need them, and a few other odds and ends that we were lacking.

Hospital bag packed: Check (mostly)! I don't have any of the things I use everyday in there yet (like deodorant and stuff like that), but I have sweatpants, and a couple thin sweatshirts, a t-shirt, my nursing camis, and a few things for Owen all ready to go in the bag!

I feel accomplished! Do any of my mommy readers out there have anything that they think I've missed???